Oh good, you came back. :) You see, I live my life based on the cues I get along the way. I tend to not ask a lot of questions when making life choices; a gut instinct is generally good enough for me. The danger in living on instinct, however, is that the Good Guy isn't the only one trying to get through to me. Lesser forces are whispering to us all. the. time. and it's often difficult to know the difference.
Sometimes I go skipping off down the wrong path, at times get pretty far along it, but at some point I've always hit a wall of resistance---and it grows barbs when I try smashing through it. That's how I know I've been listening to the wrong voice. So I lick my wounds and abort the mission. And the thing is...I've been waiting to crash into the wall on this writing thing. I feel like I almost want it to happen.
Because what am I doing? What in the hell am I doing spending all this time writing and polishing and marketing and dreaming and failing and trying and putting myself out there and failing again?? Why don't I just chuck it all and give more of that time to my kids, to my friends, to my day job, to my poor, poor garden and house?
I know what you're thinking---the failing, or at least what I perceive as failing (*ahem* sucky-ass Amazon sales), is the wall. Maybe my lack of topping the charts is telling me that I'm lost in Wonderland and better get back to Reality pronto. But here's the other thing...every time I start thinking this way, I'm given a breadcrumb, a little nugget of encouragement to let me know that I'm on the right path and am meant to stay on it. These nuggets come in the form of an unexpected and lovely review, an unsolicited and genuine compliment from someone who I didn't even know was reading what I'd written. It comes in the form of being asked to speak as an author at local events---and people actually showing up to listen.
|Click on the image if you'd like to see more from the event|
I just can't believe these bits of encouragement would come at the exact times that I need them if I was meant to abort this mission. So I won't. I guess I'll pick up these breadcrumbs when I get 'em and let them nourish me until...until I know not what. Just gotta have faith.
Does it ever feel that way to you---like just when you're ready to give up, you get a little nugget of encouragement that keeps you going?