Please Fill in My Blanks

I'm just going to be up front:  I want to take advantage of you.

Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Group brings so many talented writers to my place, and since the purpose of the group is to help each other out, I'm asking you to give it to me.  Help, that is. 

I'm writing a short story for a friend, and I'm stuck on a line---that's where you come in.  Please read and consider the following and let me know in the comments how you'd fill in these blanks:

"For the last ever-since-I’ve-been-here years, the holiday parties have sucked harder than (a) __________ on a teat full of __________."

The more innocent and less political the connotation, the funnier I'll find it.  Also, I want it to be fabulous.  No pressure...

Thank you for your participation. :)

Haha!  I am having so much fun reading your creative thoughts.  Just as witty as I expected.

It's Thursday now, so I'm going to piggy back this post onto the Author! Author! Blog Bounce, hosted by Omnific Publishing and open to ALL authors.
Happy Bouncing!


  1. hungry puppy on a teet full of dog chow

    an alcoholic on a teet full of whiskey

    For the last ever-since-I've-been here years, the holiday parties have sucked more than getting my brand new Manolo Blahniks stuck in a sewer grate full of slushy snow mixed with dog crap.

    Sorry, the best I can do, It's only 8 am and I'm not full of caffeine yet.

  2. No pressure? Now I do feel insecure!
    Anne's first one is really close to what I was thinking.

  3. an event horizon on a bit of information?

  4. For the last ever-since-I’ve-been-here years, the holiday parties have sucked harder than Marilyn Manson on a teet full of ugly juice.

    I feel so used!! :)

  5. Mustang and motor oil?

    It's the first thing that came to mind...

    Great idea, by the way! I may have to implement some...using...You know. For support purposes only :D


  6. Mmmmh - couldn't find "teet" in my dictionanary, but think it must be the teat?
    Maybe "the party sucked harder than an orphan cat pitifully adopted by a hen?"

  7. Well - you will find 'dictionanary' either :-)

  8. Nothing to add for the blanks, but I like what you have so far for the sentence!

  9. banker on a teet full of ponzi schemes.

  10. leech on a teet full of anemic blood.

    OK, that was gross. :)

    Happy IWSG, Nicki!

  11. "...sucked harder than Rod Blagojevich on a teet full of jailtime."

    Oh, sorry I was just listening to the news. Didn't mean to get political.

    Tossing It Out

  12. I like Arlee's the best LOL. I don't have anything I'm just here for the fun.

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  14. LOL I think it is supposed to be teat!

  15. Renesmee on a teat full of vampire blood?

  16. Twitter on a teat full of time and productivity?

  17. well, if you want innocent... an infant on a teat full of milk.

  18. hmmm . . . harder than a pig on a teat full of fruitcake.

  19. You already have some nice similes, I'm sure you will pick the best one.

  20. I'm late to the party, so I won't try. These are hilarious. :)

    Thanks for checking out my trailer over at Alex's blog.


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